Natalie's Nook

I should have done this post weeks ago, but I actually got the chance to start enjoying my summer before it came to an end. I’m proud.

As I was experiencing my “Hot Girl Bummer” https://nataliesnookk.wordpress.com/2019/07/28/hot-girl-bummer/ summer, I figured I needed to find a way to get out of this slump. I wanted to stop the overthinking and questioning why I was feeling the way I was— why I felt as though I wasn’t enough, why I felt as though I wasn’t where I needed to be and doing what I was meant to do, why I felt as though I was letting certain relationships slip through the cracks, and why I felt as though I was still practicing some bad habits. Some would say it was because of mercury retrograde.

There were nights were I couldn’t sleep unless I cried myself tired, out of frustration, because of the overwhelming thoughts that filled my head. It went on for weeks.

So, I decided to turn to literature for some self-care/help guidance.

Back in June I searched for a book that had the content I was looking for to help me get out of this phase. The book I finally acquired was ‘What A Time To Be Alone: The Slumflower’s Guide To Why You Are Already Enough’ by Chidera Eggerue (2018). I hadn’t heard of the author, I hadn’t heard of the book and I’d never seen the book at any place I go to buy my reads (unless I just overlooked it); so this was all new to me. I don’t necessarily buy these type of reads, and I’m sure the last self-help book I owned was one from the ‘Chicken Soup for the Soul’ series. If you know, you know.

This was my attempt at discovering the messages that would give me some steps on how I am to overcome my overthinking and to let me know that my self-worth is greater than I believe it is to be and that I just need to heal and empower myself.

The description on the inside of the books reads: “What A Time To Be Alone is a book by a recovering hypocrite. It’s here to remind you that no matter where you find yourself in life, you will ALWAYS have to face your truth. All of it. You’re not alone, you’re not crazy. Your feelings are valid and it’s time to make peace with them. . . . .all of them.”

The book is divided into three parts:

“YOU— is all about evaluating your self-worth, taking your time to heal and knowing how to handle yourself in this messy world.”

“THEM— is less about you and more about the ways other people can become dangerous if we don’t know how to avoid their demons, but also about understanding that everybody is protecting themselves from something – no matter how aggressive their mood is.”

“US— allows you to understand how to avoid toxicity, shows ways to grow and sustain productive relationships, and lists the healthiest ways to end relationships which no longer feel fruitful.“

Chidera writes on the topics of self love, that healing is a process, how we are not to be people fixers, that it is ok for us to change our minds and feel regretful, and that we are not to exist for other people but for ourselves. I throughly enjoyed her focus points on being vulnerable and how “unbothered” people are lowkey dead inside because they choose to let their ego get in the way of their feelings or because they’re emotionally unavailable. She explains how we are to deal with those type of people along with those who are manipulators.

Friendship is another prominent topic that she focuses on, I made sure to pay close attention to those points. Choosing others over yourself, and being quick to accept empty promises from those who are only seeking you for their own emotional and physical benefits.

I highlighted a lot of points that I felt were in relations to what I was dealing with. I even tweeted a few and mentioned Chidera in it, it did some numbers and that goes to show that I wasn’t the only one that needed them. What I noticed as I read was that her overall idea was to point out the multi-perspectives of love: self, platonic, romantic, support systems, the healthy, and the toxic.

I hadn’t noticed that I’d read one part for each month of the summer, starting with the YOU section in June and ending with the US section in August (this month). I reflected back on what I read, I even did a book review on it for my Booktube channel https://youtu.be/HOCmAdkiov4 on Youtube. That’s how much I wanted to share what Chidera had written because I was sure there were others that needed the same guidance.