Natalie's Nook

Some say that the transition from winter to spring is the most beautiful time of the year. At the end of March, the chilly air turns a bit crisp and warm, the grass turns a vibrant color green, and the bare branches on the trees create an abundance of blossoms. All around are shades of each vivacious color of the rainbow. In all, it is like the earth goes from being stone cold to full of animation.

            That wasn’t the case for me though.

I still felt cold, even if the warmth from the sun was beaming on me. Everything was a shade of blue or black in my eyes. And lately it seemed as if there was a continuous downpour. Day by day, a cycle of rain— heavy or a storm with its roaring thunder and electrifying lightning. Allowing my emotions to suffocate the life out of me. Nothing but being apprehensive of what’s to come after the burial of my mother and the detachment of an ex-lover. I hadn’t pictured myself reading a eulogy for my mother anytime soon; let alone having to deal with two heartbreaks at a time.

 My mother suffered from leukemia which lead to cardiovascular disease, rapidly affecting her for four and a half years. I wanted her to make it to the first major milestones of my teenage life— my 18th birthday, prom, graduation, and my transition into college; but she could no longer carry on. While I supported her throughout her sickness, I had someone I loved supporting me— my childhood friend, best friend, and then high school lover.

 I had been told repeatedly and also read on a number of occasions on how you should never get too dependent on someone else for your every need. Your need to love, your need to laugh, your need to live, your need to be of some value or have a purpose. But it was too late for me, the past seven years I had spent dating him that’s all I’ve yearned. . .all I’ve learned to do. He was there for me and with me when I was struggling with the fact that I knew my mother was dying. And just like her, he left. The only thing is my mother fought long enough to stay, she had no choice when her time came. He on the other hand did, which resulted in my life drastically changing. I’d say for the worst.

Now it is early June. I soak in the sun as it is gleaming ever so brightly. I’m sitting on the green grass with my legs crossed, doing something I haven’t done since the day we buried her.

“Hey Mom. It’s been a few months since the last time I saw you. I hope you liked the eulogy I said for you, even though I’m sure you did. I’m also sure you know that Khaleb and I broke up. He’s a douche for breaking up with me not long before your funeral. But he told me that it was no longer working out, he saw that I was slowly losing myself as I lost you and he couldn’t bear to be around for that. Immature, am I right?” I sigh heavily. “Eventually I’ll understand where he’s coming from, but as of right now I’m still mourning.” I say as tears escape my eyes. I quickly wipe them away wit my fingers.

“Graduation is next week! Dad is taking me out today to get a new dress and shoes even though I told him I’d find something in my closet to wear. Anyway, they announced who the Valedictorian and Salutatorian will be and guess which one I am. Yes, your baby girl is Valedictorian of her 2018 high school graduating class. I made sure to do if for us. . .for you. Gosh those four years of high school really did go by quick.”

“A week after you left I finally decided on a college. Now as you already know a lot of colleges and universities gave me partial scholarships or full rides, but they weren’t the one I longed for acceptance into. But by surprise, I got a packet in the mail from Columbia University in the City of New York.” I said as a stream of tears flowed down my face. I didn’t bother to wipe them this time, they were tears of joy and proudness. “Dad and I went out to celebrate but you know it wasn’t the same without you. But that is where I’ll be going in the fall to start my undergraduate academic journey in creative writing. Remember you always said, “The world is waiting for writers like you”, well I’m letting the world know that I’m coming. I said while smiling at her tombstone. “I just wish you were here for the trip we have to take on move in and registration day. Dad was talking about relocating to New York, but I told him not to rush things— traveling from there here back home won’t be an issue; Virginia and New York aren’t that far from each other.”

I then went on a tangent about what I’ll be doing this summer— the concerts I’ll be going to, the new food places I’d like to scope out, the pool parties— and how I can’t believe that I’ll be a college student in a matter of months. A freshman all over again and then another graduation, only this time I’ll be obtaining a degree.

“Dad is calling, I’m sure he’s on his way to come get me.” I got up on my feet as I brushed any grass that got on me, not caring about stains. “Oh, before I forget.” I reached for the small bouquet of flowers I brought with me, squatted down, and placed them against her tombstone. I then got closer, running my fingers over and admiring the engraved calligraphy that displayed my mother’s name, her birthday, and death day. “Thank you for being the best mother a child could ever ask for. You were truly a blessing. I love you now and will a thousand years from now.”

These past years I truly learned that time and life waits for no one. Change can come in an instant without a heads up and it’s your job to accept and adapt to it or reject it and stay stuck wherever and however you are.