Natalie's Nook

Hello readers.

ଘ(੭ ˘ ᵕ˘)━☆ﾟ.*･｡ﾟᵕ꒳ᵕ~

Author’s Note: I wasn’t sure when I was going to post again, but I was recently told that I should “get a hobby and heal…and move on…“, so here’s another post. This is one of those posts that’s so vulnerable that maybe I should’ve taken the advice of “journaling my little reflections…” but I’d rather share these “pathetic ass messages” with you all.

Enjoy (｡•̀ᴗ-)✧!

✰♫♪•*¨·٠•●♥✿✿●♥٠·¨*•♪♫✰✰♫♪•*¨·

✰♫♪•*¨·٠•●♥✿✿●♥٠·¨*•♪♫✰✰♫♪•*¨·

Lately I’ve felt like I’ve been stuck in a state of void, while, simultaneously moving through life so that I don’t lose all that I’ve worked very hard for.

Since my last post back in April–Hello,Goodbye.Twentyfive. (✯◡✯)–I’ve continue to do more reflecting. To be honest, ya girl just can’t seem to stay out of her head; overthinking is my favorite pastime. But, now that my dating life has taken an indefinite pause, I’ve had too much time to be left alone to ponder intrusive thoughts.

I think I might actually be in a state of grief (ᗒᗣᗕ)՞.

I’m mourning the heartbreak I’m finally allowing myself to succumb to. I’m mourning the loss of time, energy, thoughts, and feelings that I used to invest in what I was expecting to be something so bountiful.

For the longest I was giving all I could to build something I had high hopes for, when in reality it was just another part of the pattern that I can’t seem to break ( ɵ̥̥‸ɵ̥̥).

It felt like it had been in the making. It was as if a switch had flipped for my heart to eventually make the decision.

It was sort of strange to hear a “congratulations” from others once I told them I felt it was time I put an end to this unhealthy pattern of mine ( ＾◡＾)っ✂❤. Did I accept it? Absolutely. But it only made me realize that…

At last, I am now faced with the conceptualization and infatuation of what should have been, could have been, and what would have been (✿˘̩̩̩̩̩̩ヘ˘̩̩̩̩̩̩ ).

I now tell myself that I should’ve listened to that lingering voice of reason in the back of my head from the beginning when I started to see things for what what they really were…seeing people for who they really are.

If I had broken things off earlier, maybe I could’ve had another chance with what I once had…what my young heart so naively gave up because I saw more potential elsewhere.

If I knew everything that I know now, and if I hadn’t been so hopeful and set in the delusions I had created for myself because of the possibility of “what if”; I would’ve told myself to walk away a lot sooner.

But I stayed. And it upsets me to know that I would allow a person to have the temerity of showing me such distasteful character.

You know how they say love is blind (｡♥‿♥｡)? Yeah, best believe those rose colored glasses were on. They were strapped on real tight.

I shouldn’t be stuck on yesteryear, but I know those moments of reminiscing were to help me write this blog post so I could have an artistic form of closure.

But enough with the should’ve, could’ve and would’ve; with the time that I have right now, I know I need to use it for restoration. Plenty of healing, forgiving, and manifestation is in the works as I look forward to the next season of my life✌.|•͡˘‿•͡˘|.✌.

There’s got to be more that’s meant for me and I need to be ready for it with open arms.

But if all else fails, someone please take me to Saturn!

+｡:.ﾟTHANKヽ(*´∀)ﾉﾟYOU.:｡+ﾟ for reading!

Mwah (ꈍᴗꈍ)ε｀*)